Comments on: I Am Annoyed, Please Read. http://www.hannahnicklin.com/2009/03/i-am-annoyed-please-read/ Playwright, blogger, academic, tech-enthusiast. Eco-anarcha-socialist-cyber-feminist. Fri, 30 Jul 2010 20:44:12 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0 By: Elizabeth Layton http://www.hannahnicklin.com/2009/03/i-am-annoyed-please-read/comment-page-1/#comment-1467 Elizabeth Layton Mon, 16 Nov 2009 14:48:11 +0000 http://www.hannahnicklin.com/?p=62#comment-1467 Hi there. Powerful stuff. I linked to this post through an article link you placed on Twitter and will whole heartedly be re-tweeting that often. I don't have a blog yet but may start one! I recently trained as a counsellor due in fact to my past experiences. I personally have experienced both domestic violence and sexual abuse, harressment and rape all of these things in more than one relationship and by strangers. It's also fair to say that those women who experience any gender based violence will experience it more than once, I'm not sure that's taken into account. I agree with the fact that even the good guys say hang on...what about ALL violence and violence to men etc. Even my lovely husband who has cried with me and got angry with me and wholly supports stopping violence against women will get defensive on that one. They just don't get it. Yes we care about ALL violence and in an ideal world we should all be working towards ending ALL violence. I would happily and without judgement work with both female and males who have experienced abuse and violence. But I feel the point is, that stopping violence against women is a whole separate issue, one that is huge and still overlooked, played down, is it really that bad...YES IT IS! Unfortunately it's getting worse. Those that condone it through ignorance, excuses....it's always been that way etc etc well bollocks to that is all I can say. I remember the Government making promises to help take away the veil of ignorance, create more opportunities for better training amongst police, more rape crisis centres, campaigning on the tele. I think in the last several years I've seen two anti domestic violence campaigns. The culture of gender based violence is deep rooted but has recently seen a resurgence. I am aware of young girls..that should be enjoying their first 'puppy love' and instead getting something far different. What worries me even more is the apparent acceptance of it..that somehow this is the normal way to behave in a relationship. This is just plain wrong. It frightens me. I still hear people say things about honour based killings etc...it's not as bad or as often as they say, does it really happen? Blimey. Trouble is it's not very nice to think about, people would rather not talk about it, they don't like it and hope it will go away by itself. Being silent is almost as bad as committing the act. We live in an 'oh dear' society. While we refuse to face it, it will be allowed through silence, through apathy, ignorance and lack of education to continue. I sent a petition a while ago along with Amnesty to ask for change to 'no recourse to public funds' for those women who arrive here and are not allowed status and therefore not allowed any help. The letter I received back at the time was to be polite vague got best. I'm hoping now it's starting to urn in the right direction, although we still have such a long long way to go. There is a definite vibe going round the country at the moment with regards to violence and rape against women. I hope we can hold onto that and swell our ranks and keep pushing the message home and start to change things. When I was researching something for domestic violence I discovered to my horror that the law allowing exemption for rape in marriage (and relationships) wasn't overturned till 1991...I had thought it was quite a bit earlier. Says a a lot about just how far along we've come as a society...or not. There is still an attitude cultivated amongst women too. Yes, there's those men who keep perpetuating the myths that it's our fault when it happens, they way we behave, the way we are, the way we dress etc. We as girls and young women are practically conditioned from birth about how we should behave in our gender role, some of it is good some of it very negative. We are taught to be submissive, we find out quickly that if we apologise and blame ourselves that we can avoid being hit or verbally abused, that men expect sex and we should yield. Hmm...but some of this rubbish comes from women we know, women we trust, women we learn from. Sometimes when we have experienced violence we tell our trusted companions, our mothers even, just to receive a second wounding. Comments like, well you've made your bed..., oh I'm sure he didn't mean it..., men will be men..., what are you doing wrong...., I've had worse than...., can't you kiss and make up you've got to think of the kids...oh the list goes on and on. So the woman goes away feeling confused, doubting herself and thinking she may be wrong after all...just like her husband/partner says she is. I worry about my two girls growing up what they may encounter, but I'm doing my best to educate them. Apologies for my rant! You have my support as do the organizations and people working towards stopping this cycle of violence. Regards, Elizabeth. Twitter - eal_counselling www.ealayton.co.uk info@ealayton.co.uk Hi there. Powerful stuff. I linked to this post through an article link you placed on Twitter and will whole heartedly be re-tweeting that often. I don’t have a blog yet but may start one! I recently trained as a counsellor due in fact to my past experiences. I personally have experienced both domestic violence and sexual abuse, harressment and rape all of these things in more than one relationship and by strangers. It’s also fair to say that those women who experience any gender based violence will experience it more than once, I’m not sure that’s taken into account. I agree with the fact that even the good guys say hang on…what about ALL violence and violence to men etc. Even my lovely husband who has cried with me and got angry with me and wholly supports stopping violence against women will get defensive on that one. They just don’t get it. Yes we care about ALL violence and in an ideal world we should all be working towards ending ALL violence. I would happily and without judgement work with both female and males who have experienced abuse and violence. But I feel the point is, that stopping violence against women is a whole separate issue, one that is huge and still overlooked, played down, is it really that bad…YES IT IS! Unfortunately it’s getting worse. Those that condone it through ignorance, excuses….it’s always been that way etc etc well bollocks to that is all I can say. I remember the Government making promises to help take away the veil of ignorance, create more opportunities for better training amongst police, more rape crisis centres, campaigning on the tele. I think in the last several years I’ve seen two anti domestic violence campaigns. The culture of gender based violence is deep rooted but has recently seen a resurgence. I am aware of young girls..that should be enjoying their first ‘puppy love’ and instead getting something far different. What worries me even more is the apparent acceptance of it..that somehow this is the normal way to behave in a relationship. This is just plain wrong. It frightens me. I still hear people say things about honour based killings etc…it’s not as bad or as often as they say, does it really happen? Blimey. Trouble is it’s not very nice to think about, people would rather not talk about it, they don’t like it and hope it will go away by itself. Being silent is almost as bad as committing the act. We live in an ‘oh dear’ society. While we refuse to face it, it will be allowed through silence, through apathy, ignorance and lack of education to continue.

I sent a petition a while ago along with Amnesty to ask for change to ‘no recourse to public funds’ for those women who arrive here and are not allowed status and therefore not allowed any help. The letter I received back at the time was to be polite vague got best. I’m hoping now it’s starting to urn in the right direction, although we still have such a long long way to go. There is a definite vibe going round the country at the moment with regards to violence and rape against women. I hope we can hold onto that and swell our ranks and keep pushing the message home and start to change things. When I was researching something for domestic violence I discovered to my horror that the law allowing exemption for rape in marriage (and relationships) wasn’t overturned till 1991…I had thought it was quite a bit earlier. Says a a lot about just how far along we’ve come as a society…or not.

There is still an attitude cultivated amongst women too. Yes, there’s those men who keep perpetuating the myths that it’s our fault when it happens, they way we behave, the way we are, the way we dress etc. We as girls and young women are practically conditioned from birth about how we should behave in our gender role, some of it is good some of it very negative. We are taught to be submissive, we find out quickly that if we apologise and blame ourselves that we can avoid being hit or verbally abused, that men expect sex and we should yield. Hmm…but some of this rubbish comes from women we know, women we trust, women we learn from. Sometimes when we have experienced violence we tell our trusted companions, our mothers even, just to receive a second wounding. Comments like, well you’ve made your bed…, oh I’m sure he didn’t mean it…, men will be men…, what are you doing wrong…., I’ve had worse than…., can’t you kiss and make up you’ve got to think of the kids…oh the list goes on and on. So the woman goes away feeling confused, doubting herself and thinking she may be wrong after all…just like her husband/partner says she is. I worry about my two girls growing up what they may encounter, but I’m doing my best to educate them.

Apologies for my rant! You have my support as do the organizations and people working towards stopping this cycle of violence.

Regards,

Elizabeth. Twitter – eal_counselling

http://www.ealayton.co.uk info@ealayton.co.uk

]]>