Well this is just a couple of pages from the redraft I’m working on- it’s really messy, literally first draft standard, but I was quite pleased with this bit, I was stuck for half of yesterday and the beginning of today until I talked it over and thought about bringing in an antagonist, I have…. 55 pages, up from 32 and my target is 80, so only 25 more pages, and 10 of those will be more exposition in the already written second act so it’s going ok. ideally I wanted to have a draft finished today, for a bit of feedback tomorrow, and redrafting/posting the final script on Friday but I don’t know how many of my good friends can drop everything and read for a whole night… I’ve had lots of offers though and my sincerest thanks go to all the people supporting me! You’re all awesome… so yes, this section is about 15 minutes in, and apologies for the formatting, it looks perfect in the template I use, but funny on here.
(silence, after a while there is a roll of thunder, MELPOMENE looks around, confused)
angel: (groans) oh no…
angel: you don’t want to know
melpomene: what? Why not? What’s-
(footsteps can be heard)
ANGEL: it’s him
melpomene: who? (she looks around, and whilst looking left AZRAEL appears to the right, smartly dressed, pinstriped suit, black handkerchief, black shirt and tie, black, raven coloured wings and white and black polished shoes)
AZRAEL: Hallo sweet cheeks.
(MELPOMENE freezes and turns around)
melpomene: you did not just call me that
azrael: who said I was talking to you?
melpomene: who are you?
azrael: right back at you?
melpomene: what are you doing here?
azrael: I think I’m much more interested in why you are here. Someone who’s given up their wings consorting with a damned soul? Could be that maybe this might just slip this into my minus 5 hour report and then-
melpomene: you wouldn’t dare
azrael: and why wouldn’t I?
melpomene: archangels are such dicks
azrael: how do you know I’m an archangel?
melpomene: because you’re a dick.
azrael: now, now, there’s no need for that.
melpomene: and what on earth do you mean, ‘report’
angel: he’s been sent to keep a check on me
azrael: a masterly summation
melpomene: an archangel.
angel: he’s also, y’know, the angel of death
melpomene: you have to be kidding, they have the executioner trailing you?
azrael: have you heard the phrase ‘death was his constant companion’?
ANGEL: he’s meant to make sure I’m following the rules
melpomene: (open mouthed) that’s, unbelievable
azrael: (to ANGEL) aren’t you going to introduce me to your charming young friend?
melpomene: that’s absolutely outrageous
azrael: though if I was taking a guess I’d say she was a muse
melpomene: (Snaps out of her rage and hears AZRAEL) now what makes you say that?
azrael: (he leans towards her over ANGEL’s head) well I don’t know, female, feisty, thinks she knows it all, kind to small creatures (i.e. the ANGEL) all the hallmarks of an artistic nature
melpomene: you dick!
(She lunges at him, misses and runs around the back of the bench to catch him, he begins to run ‘round the other way, she chases him twice ‘round. The ANGEL sighs, stands and just as AZRAEL runs past a third time catches the back of his jacket, and then as MELPOMENE approaches, puts his hand out and stops her with his palm against her forehead. MELPOMENE and AZRAEL are panting)
angel: stop it. (a second or two, then the ANGEL lets got and sits down in the middle of the bench, slowly, MELPOMENE and AZRAEL sit either side)
AZRAEL: she started it
melpomene: real mature.
ANGEL: Angel of Death, Azrael, please meet Mel
Azrael: I was right then
ANGEL: and she was right about you
azrael: ooh get you, little one
melpomene: don’t call him that.
azrael: what you going to do?
melpomene: something you’ll very much regret
azrael: you mean something you’ll regret
melpomene: I know what I meant.
angel: what do you want?
azrael: this is the last check up, before the judgement
melpomene: I thought you already had your trial?
azrael: he gets one last stand of defence… or y’know, he could find the boy, haha.
melpomene: I can’t believe you’re being so insensitive!
azrael: I’m doing my job, you’re not even supposed to be here.
angel: please don’t – (IE report her)
azrael: don’t worry; she’s not worth the waste of parchment.